Comportimento e scuola, senza foto

Please forgive the length, parents and teachers will be most interested in what is to follow. I should also add that I state what I do with humility, knowing that I don't know everything. This is draft 2:

One of the biggest challenges here at school has been adjusting to a different interpretation of what falls under the scope of the teacher’s job. Most notably, discipline and supporting positive classroom behavior is not on the list, at least not in our experience here so far.

There is not a principal in the school to whom you can send kids who are not doing what they should, there is no use of corporal punishment (though Gus has gotten lots of kisses from his teachers), there isn’t even a chair in the corner of the room for a time-out.

I had a hint on the first day of school we were in for big changes when one of Gus' teachers introduced him to the class. I estimate 60% of the class was paying attention. The rest of the kids were running around, playing with their friends. I kept waiting for her to say, 'Alright, that's enough!' and pause for a minute until everyone was listening. When I told this story to the other Moms, they laughed, 60% listening? That's pretty good.

When I first realized managing Gus’ classroom behavior was mostly, if not entirely my job, and that he was struggling, I offered to come to school and observe class. Imagining the can of worms this might open- namely that if everyone did this, there would be a row of Italian mothers (Mamme) dope-slapping their children here and there throughout the day, they said ‘absolutely not!’ So where does that leave us?

We get notes in Gus’ agenda, and on his notebooks, we’ve had conferences, we even got a phone call once. On my end with Gus I’ve tried friendly chats, yelling, incentives and consequences (the most severe was not going to basketball for two nights, his basketball coach told me I was ‘sbagliata’ misguided, wrong for that and after some thought, I agreed). On their end, the teachers do one of two things- tell him what to do and if he doesn’t they either keep telling him again and again or they give up.

At home now we have a system where Gus looses and earns computer privileges if he does or does not do two basic things: respect teachers’ first request, and refrain from hurting other children (not so much of a problem now, though at the beginning of the year he was talking with his fists, shall we say). It’s not that effective, but I’m not sure anything could be… honestly, the thing that has helped most was this advice from the other mamme: to take with a huge grain of salt what goes on at school.

As an example, our last ‘communicazione’ from one of Gus’ teachers read, ‘For the last ten days, Gus has not been following directions at school, he has not been doing his lesson, instead he is very attentive to what his classmate Ahmed* has been doing, just thought you would want to know.’ Of course, my first question was, ‘What’s so interesting that Ahmed is doing all day.’ Gus’ response, ‘Oh, he crawls around under the desks, gets up and writes on the chalk board, steals things from other kids, and tries to get me in trouble.’

Ahmed was Gus last year, the new kid at school from a foreign family. He’s bright like Gus and learned well from his teachers that he could do what was fun, and the only consequence would be yelling or ignoring. Now he doesn’t read or do his homework, and among the other kids and even some of their parents there is a growing resentment towards him for holding up class. Holy crap! Way too much negative pressure for a little boy of 7- innocent in every way, for now… How do you get out of a predicament like this? I think this kind of situation is a breeding ground for Mafiosi on one side and racists on the other.

To all my friends, family and colleagues back at home who care about every kid in their classroom, regardless of origin and appearances, and who work everyday for equity of opportunity, I salute you. You work so that the promise of a free society can be fulfilled and without you, my neighborhood in North Minneapolis, and all the communities the country over would be in much worse shape. Thank you. On behalf of all of us.
*not his real name